This Book Title is Invisible Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I make love like I ride my two-seater unicycle—slowly. If you feel unstable, you can hang on to my handlebar mustache. 

This Book Title is Invisible

Amputate your leg, and attach it to the underside of your wobbly, three-legged chair. Fixing your chair is easy. Ask me how to repair your broken erection. 

This Book Title is Invisible

If I tried to mail our love, it’s irregular shape and unknowable dimensions would make it difficult to box up. That’s why I’d chop it up and stuff it in a garbage bag, like it was a common body that needed to be dumped. Speaking of that, my nei...

This Book Title is Invisible

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.

This Book Title is Invisible

I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself. 

This Book Title is Invisible

My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. 

This Book Title is Invisible

I have a secret secret admirer. Not only is her identity a secret—but so is the fact that she admires me. 

This Book Title is Invisible

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.

This Book Title is Invisible

Love is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.

This Book Title is Invisible

The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating.

This Book Title is Invisible

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

This Book Title is Invisible

It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.

This Book Title is Invisible

When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.

This Book Title is Invisible

I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.

This Book Title is Invisible

Death is coming—but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility. 

This Book Title is Invisible

You’re already older than the last time I saw you, and I just saw you right before I blinked.

This Book Title is Invisible

I’m world famous. Throughout the globe—north, south, east, and west—there are literally four people who know my name. It’s great to have all four grandparents still living, and widely dispersed around the world.

This Book Title is Invisible

Broke is a relative term, like sister, cousin, or Uncle Sam. 

This Book Title is Invisible