This Book is Not FOR SALE Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pay the ransom money before I committed suicide.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Love is like a beautiful summer day in the middle of winter. I’ve got shorts on, so it seems like a good time to invade Russia.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but try not to get a ticket—and don’t let the honking of other drivers wake you up.

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Never chew off the hand you write with, you might survive and have to sign autographs.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve just begun to scratch the surface of my talent, and boy does my talent itch. It’s like a red mosquito bite the size of Mars.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My streak of breaking sticks was snapped when I couldn’t snap the twig. So instead I snapped my fingers. And I discovered I have some real musical talent, so I’m hoping to audition to be featured in the next Addams Family theme song.

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I’m tired of talking. I want you to extract my thoughts through my nostrils.

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I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.

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I’m a student of life. My own. So I’m also my own teacher.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you supplied me a tissue, I wouldn’t need it because I wouldn’t feel like crying. But if you withhold it, you’ll make me sad and you’ll make me cry, thus causing me to need the very thing you won’t give me. So if you give it to me, I won...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think someone should invent an edible remote control, to go along with TV dinners.

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On a clear day I can see NYC. I just have to turn on the TV.

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I think I have a strange thing growing out of my neck that causes me to think too much.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If counting is thinking, then the longest I’ve ever thought about any one subject continuously for is 127, 983 seconds. I might have also been in love, though I was too distracted to notice.

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Thoughtlessness—I try not to think about it.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I once met a man who couldn't think outside of the box. So one day, while he was thinking, I taped the box shut and mailed him to Maine. UPS reported that the box was missing, so I guess he's still lost in thought.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Before work I like to relax and collect my thoughts. That’s why I carry a wicker basket. So it’s no wonder that I fell in love with Sigourney Weaver. I often ponder aliens, working girls, and eyewitnesses.

This Book is Not FOR SALE