Just because I’m hung up over my ex girlfriend, doesn’t mean I won’t hang up on her. Hell, I’ve already been put on hold for four hours. If she doesn’t come back in another three, I’m going to hang up and call right back.
I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s the last time I’ll get to enjoy it. I’ll savor every moment I believe to be the last.
I want to be a part of your world. Or, if that’s too much to ask, I’d accept being a part of your globe.
If love had the texture of a turtle, and the taste of a rabbit, would you say we’re moving too fast in our relationship?
I want to assure you, I’m not that kind of pervert. But don’t worry, goat lady, there’s somebody for everybody. Or anybody for nobody. Maybe I have that backwards, and upside down.
If I could change one thing about myself, I’d pick a new nose, because I’m tired of picking this one. Oh, and I’d stop treating people as if they’re flickable.
I have two friends, Grand and Ed, but I don’t take them for granted.
Love is being able to be yourself, with another human being who makes you want to be better than yourself.
I am the Buckminster Fuller of Love, though I’m not as full as you’d omniimagine. I do not belong to you, because I do not belong to I. No, I belong to us.
Catholic, Episcopalian, I won’t have sects with you.
My name is my reputation. And all I have in this world is my name. Well, and my penis, which shoots out millions of other names.
I respect a man not for the clothes he wears, but for the clothes he doesn’t wear. Yes, nudity is an admirable thing indeed.
If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me as a man. Aside from not cramping up, what’s more important than respect?
Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.
I know what is wrong, I know what is right, and most importantly, I know what is left. Nothing is left, now that she left and took all her love.
William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns, trees, and benches, the best name would be Nicholas Parks.
My ex girlfriend would say I am a bit of a romantic. Well, actually, she'd say I bit a romantic. I bit her on the bum.
My facial features smell as rugged as a rose looks. Isn’t my nose the most romantically smelling thing?
