This Book is Not FOR SALE Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I met a man with no forehead and receding eyebrows. He had ketchup crusted on his eyelids. I can't remember what we talked about, I just remember him smelling like chicken feed.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Her name was Janice, but I called her Jan because she was born in December—just like Chris T. 

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It’s hard to maintain dignity while wearing a coat made out of peacock feathers and pants made out of geriatric human flesh. Still, every other weekend, I have to try.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In a recent Gallup poll conducted in France while riding a horse, two out of three sweaty Frenchman (there were only three people surveyed) stated that my armpits are the greatest thing since Louis XVI. Personally, I don't think they are that great. ...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If God had wanted men to swim, he would have taught fish to fish. But fish don’t fish, and neither do I, but it’s also the reason I don’t swim.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I prefer statues silent, rather than of ears with tongues sticking out and licking out loudly.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ll see a tree and be reminded of her. So I’ll have to go have sex with that tree.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one wheel. Now I’m one unicycle away from the bicycle that is love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what they always smell like.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Over 90% of my do-nothing attitude can be attributed to one thing—nothing. So can the other 10%—but that’s just the free sample part.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The beauty of the ocean, it takes your breath away. Especially if you’re underwater. She also took my breath away. She suffocated me with her love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I had to live my life over, I’d live it over seas, like a cloud.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

A lake is not an ocean. But my love for you is. And it’s drying up as we speak—or, rather, as we don’t speak.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The world has genetically modified opinions, but mine are organic. Taste them and you will see.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m in the middle between a pessimist and an optimist. I take full responsibility for the glass half full. Well, I take half-full responsibility. But if it were full of beer, I’d take full responsibility.

This Book is Not FOR SALE