This Book is Not FOR SALE Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a baby, that’s a log. And it’s not drowning, it’s burning.” I wonder what it did to deserve that? It was probably a heretic.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts, after I eat a dozen roses.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom" or "Dad." It was "No.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.

This Book is Not FOR SALE