I was fashionably late in my unfashionable clothes.
Your fate is like a new jar of peanut butter. It may be sealed, but you can choose whether it is smooth or crunchy.
He doesn’t have sex with sheep—he sleeps with scapegoats. He is my father, and I haven’t seen him since before I was born.
I’m halfway to being a father. Not 4.5 months out of 9, but ½ of a mating ritual.
Fear is like a car. Either you control it, or you let it paralyze you.
Being strong is not the same as being a strong being. I should know because cowardice runs in my family, as I always run from my fears.
I went to a gun range and shot a man made out of paper. That paper man must have had a brother, and I fear one day that paper man’s brother is going to shoot me while I am laying flat on my back.
Hoping you were the first to do something, and fearing you weren’t the first, won’t change the future by altering the past. If you can’t be Neil Armstrong, then be Neil Armstronger.
Fear is healthy. I wish it came in a pill. I'd bottle it up and sell it to little children and the elderly.
I want to share my thoughts with you. Press your forehead firmly against mine, and let my mind transfer to yours. You won’t receive love, because that’s a feeling, and best communicated with a kiss.
After a lot of stalling and posturing, I finally admitted I had feelings for her. Most notably I felt anger and resentment, and a few less positive emotions.
When I see a beautiful woman, my heart doesn't go "Thump, thump." It goes "Hush, hush." I'm very secretive about my feelings.
I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her.
Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.
Bio I never got around to using: Jarod is a best-selling author reader. He has given speeches in over .5 countries, and addressed over 15,000 people, mannequins, and letters. He has been described as “Hard to hear, hard to understand, and hard to w...
Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage.
Never let go of a good thing without a fight. Especially if that good thing is a pair of boxing gloves.
Some guys are the type of people who bring brass knuckles to a fight. I've always thought it prudent to bring some running shoes.
