This Book is Not FOR SALE Quotes

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When I think about all the thinking I’ve done, I get sleepy, like a coffee-colored bear.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I laughed so hard I nearly spit out my hot tea. The strange part was the fact that I was drinking coffee at that moment.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

A gun that shoots out rainclouds is a delayed water gun. I need to just pull the trigger and tell her I love her, but I’ll wait until her umbrella is open and her bathtub full of coffee.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering worse than me. Like someone in Seattle, who is hurting so bad financially that instead of a vente coffee at Starbucks every morning, they have to downsize to grande.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm not a sellout. I rent.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think Starbucks would go out of business if more people were to Superglue their eyelids open when they felt tired.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ll put some ice in your coffee, to cover up the fact that it was already cold and old. I do this because my love for you is slightly warmer and newer.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want instant coffee at the snap of my fingers that gives me more energy than that generated by a million snaps.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I would offer to meet up for some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my personal problems. It’s just that I haven’t been the same since the Folgers fiasco of ‘04.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When the going gets tough, the tough give thanks for their mountain bike. I’m so rugged even cavemen would call me Xtreme. At least that’s what that Neanderthal barista who made my drink said under his breath when he uttered—or muttered—“Th...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up, but the coffee would also wake up North Korea. I’ll go with the coffee.


This Book is Not FOR SALE

There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them at one time. Most are just he said she said chatter, and I want to tell them to go sip on gossip and leave the coffee talk...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I know a man who used to be a millionaire before 2007. Now he’s poor and mopping floors. But I’m not laughing, because at least he was able to get a job. Unlike me, who only has an English degree that’s not even worth the paper it’s printed o...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

To most people, if you’re muttering, you might as well be speaking a foreign language. I should know, because in college I took two years of muttering.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Like my grandpa, who dropped out of school to farm, I have a 4th grade education. Of course, I have a college degree, too. Both require the same reading level.

This Book is Not FOR SALE