If I could change any one thing about me, I’d change you.
Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time.
Here’s a list in no particular order: chaos, confusion, and disorganization.
I am a tree, though I’m not a shady character. I’m like a tree in winter.
I run through all the positive character qualities in my mind, and assign myself a number from 1-10 on where I think I am on each. Surprisingly I score tens on each one until the last one, confidence, where I score myself a one.
Charity can be a good thing. But the only cause I’ll support is because. Don’t ask me why.
I did a charity walk the other day. They asked for money, and I walked.
On a unicycle, my tire will tire before I do. I ride for charity. I’m trying to raise enough money to buy a bicycle.
My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time and money to strippers.
I’ll buy your product and then return your product, and tell you to keep my money, so it feels more like a business transaction, rather than charity, which induces feelings of indebtedness on the end of the recipient.
Mannequin parts disassembled and discombobulated coming together for a good cause—to sell some clothes. That’s what charity is all about.
The idea of adultery is like a soccer ball. Yeah, you might kick it around for a while, but if you actually wind up scoring, you get slapped with a huge penalty.
I was driving to another girl’s house who’s not my girl, and I saw a red sign by the road that read, “Wrong Way,” and I thought, I agree. So I turned around and went home.
If I were a robot, and I got cheated on with a vacuum cleaner, I’d question my cleanliness. I’d also wonder if dating a beautiful yellow bulldozer was wise. Is my bulldozer nothing but a gold digger?
I can’t marry a bisexual woman, because she might be having an affair with the same person I’m having an affair with. And it’s not affair to share.
Pete Rose’s last name is so sweet, he can’t be a cheater. But a cheat by any other name would smell just as sweet.
My girl didn’t step out on me. She just stood in the doorway and wouldn’t close the door.
Erin runs errands, and Aaron runs around on her behind her back while she’s out. He’s such a philanderer he should get a Nike contract.
