This Book is Not FOR SALE Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a seriously starved midget for a week. Now with 33.3% reduced fat!

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My kitchen sink has no truck attached. My love needs a waterproof suitcase in these Days of Desert and Dessert. Who are you going to come running to when the Ice Cream Man melts?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I won’t put up with a woman who tries to put me down. But I might put out if she lets me put it in.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If an actor’s neither talented nor handsome, what difference is there between him and any other waiter? That reminds me, my drink needs refilling.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

How many ways can I say “I love you”? I could say it in another language, like French. I could say it through action, like a kiss. Or I could say it indirectly, like telling your best friend, April. Yes, I think I’m ready to tell April I love h...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think good advice for a father to give to his only son would be, "Don't make the same mistake I made with your mother. Remember to pull out.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Afr...

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve aged more this past week than I did in all six days that preceded it. Will you still love me tomorrow, when I’m an older man?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra helpings.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Right now is the youngest I’ll ever be, so I suppose I’d better act immature while I still can.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I aged twice as fast and lived twice as long as a normal person, would I be Wisdom Man?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

We were wearing diapers at the same time. We didn’t grow up together, however. I was in the crib, and she was playing cribbage in the nursing home.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The old me is younger than the new me, the me now.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Agatha’s older than I was when I was her age.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I'm a year older than 365 days ago, and I'm having trouble bending my knees and my lower back is killing me. Everything reminds me of death. Especially bending over all day to steal the flowers off all the graves in the cemetery.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Age is just a number. So is my area code. 

This Book is Not FOR SALE