I got you a box full of unfull. I know I shouldn’t have, but that’s why I should have. As a lover, I always leave you hungry for more.
My love is a cloud sound, silent as an orange flamingo. Too many swimmers have drowned while trying to fly, and there should be a law against making a law against that.
Cats are meowable gloves you don’t wear, you pet to keep your hands warm. But I keep my hands warm the old-fashioned way—by applauding all the political rhetoric coming out of Washington DC.
I don’t like like like I love love, but I’ll bet we have that in common. You have so much love to give that I’m surprised I haven’t received any of it.
Unless I’m dead, I’ll definitely be at your funeral. Just be sure to return the favor and show up at mine. Your death will be the death of me, and that is why you should attend my funeral. After all, if you don’t show up, I might have trouble s...
The human voice isn’t like water,” I shouted. “You can’t drown out somebody just by raising the level.” But it was useless. I felt like Noah preaching to a pack of Helen Kellers.
I’m aloof in love, like a single horse hoof. All I need to ride off into the sunset is one woman—with three legs. I’m on the lookout for a Buy One Pair of Shoes and Get One Half Pair Half Off deal.
Love is a lot like bowling, I thought as I drove by a boarded up and abandoned bowling alley. Like the economy, I’ve made a full recovery since we broke up.
I am your Wednesday Sex Meatloaf. At least, I’d like to be. This Tuesday I have a vacancy, if you like leftovers from six days before.
I fell in love like Mondays at noon. Too bad none were around to witness my epic Tuesday. Let’s make Wednesday one last time before you have to Thurday.
A pancake would make as good of a wheel as I’d make a lover. I would invite you to have a seat on my unicycle, but it’s sticky from maple syrup.
The only good thing about all the radiation in the air is I can go on my nightly walk and wear my astronaut’s suit and not feel like an idiot. I also wear the astronaut’s suit because she told me she wanted her space, so I wear it out of love.
In my pants is where you need to look to find out everything you want to know about love. I got the magic formula from your grandma.
We made love like two kangaroos arguing over the cargo capacity of a purse on sale. But I said, “No—it’s less money, yes, but it’s also less space than we need.” Whatever we do when we do it, we must remember that we do it for the children.
My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long.
Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths.
I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric.
If my clone were standing next to me, I’d be beside myself with joy. I’d also be literally beside myself. In that case, I’ll bet you’d love me twice as much, huh?
