This Book Has No Title Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today?
 -No, I’m taking her out this afternoon?
 -Great! Then you won’t mind if I come over and mow your lawn. Sucker!

This Book Has No Title

Speed dating is great, because when that bell rings, I drool like Pavlov’s dog.

This Book Has No Title

When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.

This Book Has No Title

After I’m dead, I want to ghostwrite my autobiography.

This Book Has No Title

The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d like the steak—medium rare—mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad on the side. And some rolls and butter would be great, thanks. Separa...

This Book Has No Title

With six pieces of wood, I’m building a life, and my coffin.

This Book Has No Title

When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased.


This Book Has No Title

Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did.

This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don’t. It’ll be a holiday that honors freedom.


This Book Has No Title

We can be anything we want to be in this life. And I’d like to be you. But there can’t be two of us, so I’m afraid you’ll have to be eliminated. You have become redundant.

This Book Has No Title

More Americans died in WWII than in any other world war, with the possible exception of WWI.

This Book Has No Title

If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would die to save two more like them.

This Book Has No Title

The police made sure he wasn’t dead. Then they killed him.

This Book Has No Title

Just one simple word choice directed at me can throw me into a bad mood and make me believe there’s tension between us. That one simple word is “die.

This Book Has No Title

The best part about love is it’ll still be around long after I’m dead. That’s also the worst part.

This Book Has No Title

-Is he dead?
 -Gosh I hope so, because I went to a lot of trouble to dig his grave.

This Book Has No Title

The spirit is tied to the brain—for the brain makes us who we are. So if our spirit lives after death, so too does our intelligence and personality.

This Book Has No Title

My life outlook isn’t cloudy. That’s just the weather report for the rest of my life.

This Book Has No Title