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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.

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I’ll leave the door cracked, because cracked is better than broken.

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A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.

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Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.

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With my career I want to either make something or make an impact. Writers both make something, and make an impact.

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I’d rather have a career that utilizes my creativity, but torturing people all day long is not a bad gig. At least not for me.

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I was so offended I wanted to light his face on fire. But I restrained myself, because he was wearing my cat on his head.

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Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unrelated, though I might cough up a hairball later on.

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Cats are bundles of cute, wrapped in fur and purrs.

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I had to put away my toy so it didn’t get lost. After all, cats can’t read maps or ask for directions, and they don’t possess GPS.

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I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.

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Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.

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My name is Two Dogs Wink While Chewing. It’s not an Indian name, nor one that reflects my cat-loving nature.

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I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.

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Somebody needs to pet me, and I guess that somebody is me. My cat is busy sleeping.

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What’s furry, has four legs, and meows? My dinner, before I killed and cooked it.

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I’d like touch screens better if they were furry, like cats.

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I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less. 

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