There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't Quotes

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I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size," and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I want to create moonglasses, and then write a song called, "I Wear My Moonglasses at Noon." Hopefully, with a little lunar luck, my track will also feature Corey Hart.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with a sticky note attached that read, “Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

A lot of people go searching for “Truth.” But they can’t be searching too hard, because very few of them ever think to look under my bed.

There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't