The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink. Quotes

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I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you, so I had to stab them in the throat with a shoelace. I guess it would have been better to use that shoelace to strangle them. �...

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

When someone says, “One last thing,” it never is. Unless they die right after speaking. Make sure that they do. 
Check their pulse to be certain.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right now. But maybe with a little luck, I’ll feel teal a little later.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I have to say is grandma smelled better.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The rest I had to learn from textbooks.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

The best part about a rear naked choke, is the naked part.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

It’s amazing that a thin film of plastic wrap is enough to protect food against the aggression of hungry marauders. Or maybe the plastic cover doesn’t act as a shield, but rather the starving mob is staved off by one simple word: Leftovers.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

If you’re hungry, eat one of my new starvation pills. They taste like silence.


The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

To forgive is Godly. To begrudge is manly. I don’t even have any chest hair, so you know where I stand.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bush.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I want to write a book called Kissing Kissinger. It won’t be about kissing, Kissinger, or even politics. It’ll be about radiator fluid, and all the health benefits you can enjoy from chugging it.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

As our bodies are mostly made of water, I’d rather be hungry than thirsty. And as love is mostly made up of sugar water, I’d rather be a hummingbird caged in your heart.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

There’s moisture in my madness. I should start keeping my insanity in Tupperware containers.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. 


The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.