The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my...

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Whenever I see a strange man at a urinal, I always approach him slowly and say, “Dad, is that you?

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

After they broke up, Renaldo's ex girlfriend said to never again date an older woman. And he wisely listened to her, because his mother only had his best interest in mind.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Fight or flight? If I had wings, there’d be no choice. But since I don’t have wings, I have to rely on my cape, and a long running start.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Feathers blowing in the wind is no more a bird than a pile of crumpled up receipts from champagne, chocolate, and flower purchases is a true indication that a man loves a woman. 

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

I didn’t set out to discover Truth. I was simply hungry and digging deep in the back of the fridge and boom! there it was. And I’ve got to tell you, the Truth was tasty.  

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

I bought a big brown stuffed animal. You know, for dinner.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

I need to go to the grocery store because I’ve got nothing in my fridge but an old t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and a sweater (after all, it does get cold in the fridge).

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

My friend had sex with half of all the women in the city. I think he had sex with the lower half of all the women.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

After losing my job, I felt the only options available to me were razors, cyanide, or a shot to the face, until Renaldo, being the good friend that he is, reminded me how to tie a noose. 

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything that helps support man through difficult times. 

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because last night I asked her a question and instead of answering, she went to sleep for eight hours.

The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.