So many chairs, and no time to sit Quotes

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There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming. 

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was “W,” because it’s a couple of soul mate “V”s. Or maybe they were a couple of letters of the same sex engaging in a homosexual relationship. A “W” is two “V”s in a civil union, bu...

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money. 

So many chairs, and no time to sit

My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we fill the time with silence.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

The list of who’s the best is only one person long. My penis is only one person long too, if that person is two-inches tall.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I was born a baby, and it took me a long time to be man enough to acknowledge that that was a mistake.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I can hardly be expected to think like Santa. I get three times the letters, I poop burritos, and my penis is two reindeers more plentiful.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

The conversation was one-sided. She was doing all the talking, and every time I opened my mouth it wasn’t to reply—it was to yawn.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Around here there’s not much to do, I’m afraid. Actually, I’m lying. That’s not one of my fears.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Wisdom is knowledge plus courage. You not only have to know what to do and when—but you have to be brave enough to actually act on it.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I cried because I had no wallet, until I met a man who had no money. I don’t know why he had no money, because that man stole my wallet.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I dance for a living. At the early bird special you can find me—doing the worm.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.

So many chairs, and no time to sit