So many chairs, and no time to sit Quotes

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When I’m sad, I think about happier times. Times like 3:33, 12:34, and 3:21. This last one usually spurs me into action and helps stop me from just stopping.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I put the “yes” in eyes. Except when I blink. Blinking is definitely a no action.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

If I were an alcoholic, I’d work at a wine farm, where grape booze grows on trees, bottled and ready to chug.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

If everyone in America started mailing empty boxes, we could boost productivity, profitability, and employment. Think like a politician.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like winners.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!


So many chairs, and no time to sit

A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

She asked if I found what she was telling me very exciting, and I managed to yelp out “very” while yawning.

So many chairs, and no time to sit

It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.

So many chairs, and no time to sit