Sleepwalking is restercise Quotes

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You can call me Dances With Cats. I’m like Dances With Wolves, only meowier.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I get scared at night. That’s why I got a cat—for protection. Cats are deadlier than Teddy bears.

Sleepwalking is restercise

It was raining cats and dogs. My clothes were saturated with meows and barks.

Sleepwalking is restercise

Cats are portable calm distributors. They’re like vending machines distributing peace for free. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I’m not sitting around doing nothing. I’m busy petting the cat. Why hasn’t anybody told the philosophers that this is the meaning of life? 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I thought orange was a more electable color, so I dyed my whole cat orange, and renamed him Abe Lincoln. I licked his fur clean in celebration of his victory.

Sleepwalking is restercise

A bad reputation will dog you for years. A good reputation will cat you. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I’m selling cat fur by the pound. It’s brand new—never been petted. (Meows sold separately).

Sleepwalking is restercise

I’m a charitable guy. I donate my free time to watching TV—and I do it benevolently, without being compensated by advertisers. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

In the future, charities will be like pets. Everybody will want one, and millions will be abandoned. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

He’s a great guy. He’d give you the shirt off his back if you asked. In fact, I’m wearing his shirt now, and I’m staring at his nipples. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

She has so much junk in her trunk. Boy, I wish she’d just drop it all off at Goodwill. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I got excited when I saw a midget, and then disappointed when I realized it was just a child. Those things are so common.

Sleepwalking is restercise

60% of children are born to unwed mothers. I should start pulling out. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

Out of all the fathers in the world, I am the most like Mother Theresa. Also, I am childless. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

For such small heads, little kids seem to have the biggest brains. No disrespect to midgets.

Sleepwalking is restercise

Children are like geniuses, only smarter. Ocala has more creative kids than any other city named Ocala. That’s scientific, because there is only one city named Ocala, and it was named after a city not named Ocala. It’s true! It was named after ...

Sleepwalking is restercise

For Christmas I got new socks. I peeled them off a dead body.

Sleepwalking is restercise