Sleepwalking is restercise Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

There aren’t two political parties in this country, it’s all just one big party—and the citizens aren’t invited.

Sleepwalking is restercise

His breath smelled like defeat. And dick—mine, which incidentally smelled like his asshole. Ah, but that’s just politics.


Sleepwalking is restercise

I’m not the pervert you think I am. No, I’m an entirely different pervert. Keep cardboard tubes away from me. (I should be a politician.)


Sleepwalking is restercise

How did my semen get on his anus? Simple—the lipstick. But that’s politics, no?


Sleepwalking is restercise

Politics is the art of doing nothing and ruining everything.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I bought it and threw it away. Why? Because I paid for it. The only thing better would be if taxpayers purchased it. I should be a politician.

Sleepwalking is restercise

A politician is a person who trades promises for power, and then trades the people’s trust for personal gain.

Sleepwalking is restercise

How many 17s can you fit in your anus? Next time, try 18.
 Then try running for political office.

Sleepwalking is restercise

Only a retard tries to cut something with the handle of a pair of scissors. Well, only a retard or a politician, but the two are synonymous.


Sleepwalking is restercise

I wrote a book on sex. It’s got a hole in it so you can literally fornicate with it. I’ve only sold one copy, but I’ve heard that the buyer shared the book with all his fellow congressmen.


Sleepwalking is restercise

I stepped in dick. Well, just a puddle of penis. Then I wiped it off my feet and voted it into political office.

Sleepwalking is restercise

Everything is offensive, to somebody. I mean, you could say Congress and I’d be in a rage.

Sleepwalking is restercise

A politician’s autobiography is a book that’s nothing more than a collection of paper, like toilet paper, only it’s stacked instead of rolled.



Sleepwalking is restercise

It’s only a problem until you ignore it. Come on, that’s Politics 101.

Sleepwalking is restercise

The difference between a politician and a helmet full of feces, is the politician doesn’t need to wear protective headgear, because he’s got no intelligence to protect.


Sleepwalking is restercise

Poor people are the salt of the earth. They should be sprinkled on icy roads, along with pretzels.


Sleepwalking is restercise

I can’t afford to be dishonest. I also can’t afford to be poor.

Sleepwalking is restercise

What’s the difference between praying and crying? One you’re talking to God, and the other you’re talking to God but you don’t know it.


Sleepwalking is restercise