Sleepwalking is restercise Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A speeding fine lets me know it’s OK to break the law, just so long as I’m willing pay money for the privilege to do so.

Sleepwalking is restercise

A light on my car’s dashboard came on, and instead of fixing the problem, I waited for the bulb to burn out. Crisis solved.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I’m not Helen Keller—I’m Van Gogh. It’s not that I can’t hear, it’s that I don’t use my ears.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I was listless, so I made a list. I sat listless, listening to my inner voice before I started. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I can Control F to find words and phrases lost in a sea of literature, but why can’t I Control F to find one object among a hoarder’s clutter?

Sleepwalking is restercise

Knock on wood for good luck—and if you think that’s the best way to get the door to open. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

My fake mullet wig turns women on. Probably.

Sleepwalking is restercise

It’s not entirely true that I lusted after a married woman. I also lusted before her.

Sleepwalking is restercise

It’s so quiet without my wife, which is odd because all I could ever hear was the silence of her ignoring me.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I popped the question, and to my surprise she said yes! If I’d have known she’d say yes I’d have asked a different question, like, Will you marry me? 

Sleepwalking is restercise

No sex in marriage. Yes to laundry though. That’s the only time I get her clothes on the floor.

Sleepwalking is restercise

Man marries, then immediately dies, though it’s often decades before his funeral.

Sleepwalking is restercise

A wedding and a funeral. One event.

Sleepwalking is restercise

My first marriage was an arranged marriage. I arranged it myself. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

We went out to a romantic dinner, and do you know how you can just tell when it’s the perfect moment to propose? Well, it wasn’t one of those moments—at least not with her. I ended up asking my waitress to marry me.

Sleepwalking is restercise

I said I do. Not to getting married, but to don’t. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

I believe in a traditional wedding, with one guy, one girl, and one dad with a shotgun. 

Sleepwalking is restercise

During the murder investigation, the cop said, I only have one question for you. Before she could ask it, I replied, Yes, I will marry you.

Sleepwalking is restercise