Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Quotes

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I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder something, but I multitasked and slept at the same time. I woke up with an erection, and a decision.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Life is made up of only one thing: the now. The past and the future could be considered dreams, if only they were as real. At least a dream is in the now.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

In a dream, in her head means in my head, as I have unrestricted access to her thoughts and the innermost parts of her body.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. No different than a contract killer—except the hit man is more honest, as he doesn’t claim to be helping humanity. Holistic medicine is the only w...

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my clones.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system already does.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I need to condense my adrenaline, carbonate it, sweeten it, and sell it as an energy drink.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

My grandpa passed a few days ago. But I’m not sad. He was only driving 20 miles an hour, so I’m sure I’ll catch up to him.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I used to live with someone of the opposite sex. It’s called a sister, and I don’t have one.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by that time he was already a few inches beyond my outstretched fingers.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a mindfuck!

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

My dad was born poor, made a fortune during his life, and then died suddenly—murdered by his only son, leaving his vast estate to a daughter I didn’t know he had.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Nobody wants to leave what they know to go either to the unknown, or to grandmother’s house.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

He’s got the world’s softest knuckles. They’re like rubber the way they bounce off my steel balls.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

If you strip away my flowery language, you’ll figure out I’m really talking about bees.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious