Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Quotes

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Flower coffee—less caffeinated, more romantic. I wanted to be with her, but when I was, I felt like I’d rather wither.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I’d rather go into a competition as the underdog. Less pressure to perform, and more motivation.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I feel like having another thigh and calf would give me a leg up on my competition.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he doesn’t talk much.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The topic of weather isn’t small talk, when you’re conversing with a meteorologist.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The big uncookable sections of who we are, they’re the ones I love to taste the most.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Even if I worked in the corruption capital of the world, Washington DC, I wouldn’t be a whistleblower. I’m more into flutes.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I want to create a word that means “There’s probably a word for that,” but there’s probably a word for that.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

A real criminal mastermind isn’t known as a criminal mastermind, because how good can you be if you’re a known criminal? No, a real criminal mastermind is known by another name: politician.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

There’s always going to be a criminal element in the population. At least as long as people believe they need politicians.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I have no auditory depth perception. She said, “I love you,” and I couldn’t even tell if she was 300 miles away, or 6 feet below my feet and 300 years away.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I saw the corpse, and I called the cops. But not before I called a 1-800 phone sex number with the dead guy’s phone and credit card.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The best way to dig yourself out of a hole, is with a dead guy’s fingernails. Then, once you’re out of the hole, finish burying that dead guy before the cops arrive.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

My advice is to just ignore the problem until you’re dead. This could be the quickest solution of your life.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Dead men’s fingernails make lovely shallow-grave shovels.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious