Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Quotes

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I need to take an exfoliating bath. Prepare the kittens’ tongues.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiffed medium or large.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I’ll wear a fork on my head, and if anybody wants a job, they can eat salad off my scalp.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I’ve had a stressful day, and I need something stronger than beer. Somebody fetch me a bodybuilder. Check the cooler in the garage.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I accept all people—even the people I find unacceptable.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I’ll insist my competitor is the greatest, so that when I beat him, I won’t be calling myself the greatest—I’ll be proving it through my actions. 

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

My face and body are not my essence. My actions, ideas, and ideals are the stuff of me. My clone will have my face and body, but he won’t be me. 

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I saw an old guy sleeping, and I thought he was dead. But I kept checking his pockets for money, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish great things. And then they’re older, they try to get things done, but they have less energy and enthusiasm by that ti...

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t appreciate it as much as if I pretend to struggle to help you out.  

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Writing is the art of remembering and forgetting. You must forget what you’ve already written, because if you’re dwelling on your old material you can’t write new material, and you must remember all you’ve written and read, so you are not dup...

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best. 

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I saw her at the party last Saturday. I could tell by her body language that she wanted me. She was wearing a shirt that said, “I want you Jarod.” I left alone that night. Come Sunday morning, I found out that she went home with Jarod Wheedlebree...

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious