My love can only occupy one person at a time Quotes

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Standing at a urinal, I hold my penis like a cold beer. You look thirsty and sober, so can I get something to drink? You’re expression, is it dehydration—or is it love?


My love can only occupy one person at a time

Love says hello, and hate says goodbye. Your mom also says hello.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

As an aspiring fashion designer, and lover of human anatomy, I always wonder why nipples don’t appear on the outside of shirts.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Love is the best feeling in the universe. Actually, that’s not true. But only because I haven’t been very many places in the universe.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Who’d win in a fight of love? A shark in the desert, or an eagle in the ocean? My money’s on the stripper’s ass.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I wore a long white dress shirt and no pants, so it looked like a white dress. I felt like a bride in love. Well, at least until my boss fired me.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

The fire burnt down our House of Love. Our relationship didn’t work because I was the water, and she was the empty hose.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I’ll use your chicken burrito as a crayon. I’ll draw what love looks like, if you promise not to eat it.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Just because your plate is empty, doesn’t mean your stomach is full. Same with love. Where’s the Romance Buffet?

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I love microwave dinners. I also like eating other appliances, like fridges and dishwashers.


My love can only occupy one person at a time

They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

True love is rare, like a good steak. Help me cut it up.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My love is divided into three parts. I’ll give you part one and two for free, but for the fourth installation, you’ll have to pay for it.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

In the future, man will travel on flying carpets, and shoes that float on water. And we’ll all make love together, as one, as one might masturbate today.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Forget seeing the future. Most people can’t see the present until it’s in the past. Like me, all my I love yous match up with all my ex’s I loved yous.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

The easiest way to get a girl you like to like you back is to initially tell her you’re gay, and then later be all like, I think I’m in love with you—I think you turned me straight.

My love can only occupy one person at a time