My love can only occupy one person at a time Quotes

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He lies on the couch all day watching television. I admire his classic American ambition. He’s probably a better lover than me.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Love is two unicorns arguing over which is better: one animal with two horns, like a bull, or two animals with one horn apiece. I guess it doesn’t matter, because you should never debate when you’re horny.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I fell in love with her that day. I realized it when someone told me it was Tuesday.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

She was a pretty good lover. Too bad she wasn’t pretty and good.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I am the qorj of love. If you find that hard to believe, then I’d like to sell you a Bible.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My book has no plot. Wait, yes it does—in the cemetery. It’s a love story where one character is dead, and the other is a dirty pervert.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Love is like $19.99. If you bring $20 dollars, I’ll bring a penny.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My love does not entail a tail. But my cat’s does.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Love is a feel-good feeling, like feeling a cat’s fur while my hair is on fire and my grandpa is reciting the pledge of allegiance while staring at my star-spangle-bannered boxers.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My dreams are shaped like a cat, only furrier. And my love resembles a dolphin, only fishier.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

My love is a six-toed mutant, like a Hemingway cat. Pet it wisely.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

Ever seen a cat with polka-dotted zebra fur? Come to my House of Love Open House this Friday night at 8:00 PM. 

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I peel cats like I pet oranges. And I often snuggle with watermelons, sometimes with the intent of making love.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I hold my cats like any other broom you’d use to sweep the floor. I’m a janitor among animal lovers.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I made Tuesday Salad like Monday morning is Sunday night. Do you agree on the difference a day can make in the realm of love?

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I cried at the funeral. It wasn’t because I loved her, it was because I was there, in the front pew at the church, chopping onions.

My love can only occupy one person at a time

I want a coffee machine that runs on gasoline and drives me to work. We can make love in the backseat, next to the cream and sugar.

My love can only occupy one person at a time