Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91. Quotes

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I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that's not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is a funny thing. It's so funny it will make you laugh until you cry.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is bringing an empty Tupperware container on your date, not to hold leftovers from dinner, but just in case your date really has to shit.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is like a spring rain on a sunny September morning. And when I go out on dates, I bring my own jars of pickles. Women probably find it not only practical, but devastatingly sexy.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Not only is my lover invisible, but she’s also nonexistent. Talk about a cheap date!

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I’m so glad my date doesn’t think I’m ugly. I love blind dates where the woman is actually blind.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.



Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

We made love like the 1930s, only it wasn’t quite as depressing. Also, it only took me a half a decade to bring myself to orgasm.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I never knew what love was until after I got divorced. But I’ve always been a bit dyslexic.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Life is still very much the same since I said I love you and she said nothing. That was two months ago, and neither one of us has yet to hang up the phone. I don’t think I can endure another two more months of silence. I know she’s still there, b...

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love will find you eventually. It found me, and I was hiding like fall in the spring.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Words can have a healing effect. The words “I love you” can stop bleeding faster than a Band-Aid. It’s true. It worked for me after I stabbed my grandpa.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I am the Mountain Climber of Love. I should mention that I’m deathly afraid of heights.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.