Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91. Quotes

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We made love like two Inuits make love like two popsicles, and then we went back to our cold lives. That was the best summer of my night.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I write love quotes for all ages—Teenagers, Young Adults, and even the Middle Ages—like between the years of 1200-1700. Erasmus loves my work. Well, probably he does, but as he’s dead you really can’t prove he doesn’t approve of my work.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

If you could pour my love like it was a bottle of wine, would you have one glass or two? That was a trick question, because the answer is you’d drink it all—straight out of the bottle.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

You know you've drunk too much when you run out of booze. It's the same with love. Also, I'm drunk.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I’d love to visit a zoo stocked with stuffed animals. Where would all the real animals be? Well, the real animals would be where they always are: in Congress.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Tell me there’s a God, and I’ll believe you. But tell me you’re not in love with me, and I’ll shoot you an incredulous look. Then I’ll shoot you.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is timeless, like a broken watch.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love, you just know it when you feel it. I feel it now, and it’s furry and purring.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Love is a cat wearing a fur coat in a sauna in the middle of the Sahara Desert at noon. Trust me, I speak from personal experience.

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.


Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.