Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81. Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I called her Nebraska, because she was from Iowa. We made love like the Midwest. Well, not all of it. More like the Midwest minus Kansas, if you know what I mean.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Vanessa Sky Ellis scours the streets of NYC looking for celebrities to take selfies with, while I scrounge up quarters to try to buy love out of vending machines. I have had sex with more plastic bottles than I care to take pictures of.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

The Eiffel Tower doesn’t look like a penis. My penis looks like the Eiffel Tower. What’s not to love about a Love Stick shaped like the symbol of the City of Love?

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Broccoli, it’s what’s for breakfast. This morning let us make love like we’re both still asleep. I’ll hit the snooze if you find the lube.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

She asked if I was asleep, so I looked at her and said, “Yes, I am.” I’m the kind of lover who’d wear a unicycle to a tricycle convention for hitchhikers.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I told her, “I admire your mustache madam, but I wonder, what’s for dessert?” Knowing her and knowing me, she probably thought I meant I love you.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Motorcycle helmets are bottomless. Strippers are topless. And my love is middleless.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I shed my clothes like a garage doesn’t shed—and a shed doesn’t garage. Then we made love like neighbors, so close, yet separated by several barriers.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Our love was soggy, like the biscuits I forgot to take out of the bathtub.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Salsa music is best when chewing on nachos. I’m a spicy lover. Taste me and see.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

The best part about falling in love with a slab of meatloaf is now I get to use my ketchup-dispensing backpack when making love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.