Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages. Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The love between a man and an animal is a sacred thing. Well, at least it was, until the politicians started answering to the lobbyists and not the people. 

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

You know what I call people who judge other people? Your Honor. Well, at least publicly I call them that. Privately I call them assholes, as I slam my mallet down on my desk and yell, “You will love me or I will sentence you to life in prison.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

When I make love, I always wear protection. I wear mittens. 

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Due to unfavorable weather (or, rather, favorable), we couldn’t make love in the rain. So instead we had sex in the shower, despite grandpa taking a bath in it.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I have salmon slippers. I just hope the bears don’t try to eat my feet. Not that it matters, since the empty turtle shell stole all my love.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Love takes many forms, and none of them are shaped like people I don’t know.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I make love in half. But that’s because I’m much too romantic to refer to it as masturbation.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Our love was separated by time—and six feet of dirt. Still, I had to keep digging, because that’s just who I am, a romantic.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love? 

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I don’t have tears running down my cheeks. Those are egg yokes, and yes, it means I’m in love. 

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I hear “I love you,” but I see “I love myself.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I'll never forget my time with her. The two of us made love like three lawn chairs—the kind that fold up.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

When I masturbate, I pump my hand so fast it’s like a hummingbird blur. But I make love like the anti-hummingbird. In fact, in bed I’m so slow with my love making it’s almost indistinguishable from sleep. 

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

We made love like there was no tomorrow. Looking back, we should have made love like there was no yesterday.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I make love like a mannequin mimicking a statue, only with less movement and more grunting.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

I make love efficiently. Why involve two people, when the same outcome can be done by one?

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Love is like meatloaf—don’t make it after midnight, unless you’re wearing a condom.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

We made love like two trees on a breezeless day. Neither one of us moved for hours.

Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.