I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?
I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes.
I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.
I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.
I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.
I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.
I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely.
I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.
I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.
I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.
I want my words to illuminate like the sun, as I give my daily lecture on photosynthesis to my houseplants.
