I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview. Quotes

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I want to never stop growing as a person. I’d love to be well over 8 feet tall.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want the US government to dispense with all the “red tape,” and start using Caution tape.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you'll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to remember our fallen heroes. And after I’ve spent a day remembering them, I want to extend my arm and help them up.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples!

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be in the Guinness Book of World Record’s for something ridiculous like juggling poison-tipped porcupines, playing the piano blindfolded while tightrope walking in tights, or throwing a rubber ball in a circular rim adorned with a danglin...

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to start a band called "Friday Have Been Cancelled" and then hold open auditions every Friday. The sign will read, "Auditions For Friday Have Been Cancelled." I sure hope nobody shows up because I certainly won't be there.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied to be a waiter.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to make love like the most romantic thing ever, but I just don’t know how to go about learning how to fornicate like a flower.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the funniest drink ever.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to know how watches can hold all the time in the world using only two hands.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

I want to be able to type 60 words per minute without repeatedly typing one-letter words like “I” or “A.

I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.