My high-performance hair is shaped like a sports car, and when I chug coffee it sounds like a jet engine. Women don’t find me attractive, but only because women don’t find me (I’m living off the grid).
Drinking coffee is like chugging a galloping racehorse, and that’s why I’m wearing this baby carrier on my back—to hold the jockey.
His clothes were clean, but his mustache was dirty. He must have used it as a brush to scrub his pants. I’ll bet his coffee tastes like freedom.
The swimming pool was drained of water. That’s why I went fishing in it. Go ahead, ask me what I did in your empty coffee cup.
I collect kitchens, one empty coffee cup at a time. I wish they made dishwashers that cleaned with dreams, not laundry detergent.
Air conditioning is indoor winter. Coffee is liquid wakefulness. And my love is like For Sale, only it’s not on sale. I’m afraid there is no discount.
I love coffee like I love making love. It’s like liquid sex, except you don’t want to spill it all over your crotch.
I listen to helloes at 65 MPH. Anything faster is just asking for a goodbye. I’m too love and in young to do anything but drink coffee out of a helmet, while wearing a helmet. Safety in all things, and all things in safety.
Snuggle time is my favorite time. Well, that and 12:34 and 3:33. And the time between when I take my first sip of coffee at 8 AM and when I finally wake up, at 5:00 PM.
He had sky eyes and sun hair and all the women loved him. And all I had was an empty coffee cup, full of sleepy hope.
If your breath smells like coffee, I might try to drink our conversation. Wake me up with the words you’re speaking.
Women, they’re great for keeping the bed warm and the coffee hot. They’re also good at other things, like my job, which is why I’ll soon be fired—which is a bit too hot for me.
Coffee, it’s love you can brew and drink. There is an edible kind of love, and if you’re interested, I make it by hand.
I tried to raise my eyebrows in disbelief, but I forgot I’d packed away my eyebrows along with all my other winter clothing. My iced coffee was watery and warm with neglect.
Buy one pair of pants and get a wallet full of cash for free. While I’ll admit they do have a coffee stain on the crotch, I can assure you it is caffeinated. Licking it kept me up all night.
When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t regret not having spent more time cleaning. Buy brown carpet, to camouflage the coffee stains.
If coffee is a drug, then I am a junky. And if coffee’s not a drug, then I’m still a junky. Damnit.
I treat strangers like friends, friends like family, and family like strangers. And I make love like a cup of coffee that likes a cup of tea.
