How to construct a coffin with six karate chops Quotes

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Pound-for-pound, I’m the best non-fighter in the world. I could kick Gandhi’s ass.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There should also be marshmallows.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

How do two retards eat a turd sandwich? Well, not by first wiping their ass with wheat bread like I showed them.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Don’t go on a ghost tour, because you won’t see a ghost. Well, you might. Maybe I have ghost blindness and can’t see the invisible.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I’m a thief, because I stole her heart. That’s so cheesy that I had to end it with nachos.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

The site of her warmed my heart, like a mitten over my penis. 
Can you please pass me the empty handshakes?

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be honest, I think China can make it cheaper.


How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Just because I murdered a man—my boss—doesn’t mean I deserve to be fired. In fact, as I see it and saw it, I should be promoted for showing initiative and seeing an opportunity and opening where others saw none.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

In the off chance I’ll be turned on, I keep a light switch in my pocket. (Who turned off the light in my pocket? Oh yeah, my erection.)


How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Music enters through the ear, not the penis hole. This is probably a common mistake most deaf men make.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

To get him to agree, I put a gun to his head. To get him to not change his mind, I blew out his brains.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I’m not flat broke. I’m a little hilly.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

If you have one dollar and I have a hundred dollars, I could say I have a hundred times the amount of money you do. And while that's true, it makes me sound wealthy and you sound poor, when the reality is we're both broke.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I look like a million bucks, but I feel like shit. Thanks, inflation!

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I don’t care if I’m on the moon, the party is on the sun, and I am an albino, you should still invite me.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops