How to construct a coffin with six karate chops Quotes

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I killed a man for his shoes, and then I realized his feet were much smaller than mine. So I walked around barefoot for a week, in honor of a man who died a senseless death. What a tragedy he didn’t wear larger shoes, so that his death could have m...

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Capitalist cycle of profit. The rancher sells a cow for profit. The butcher sells cuts for profit. The restaurant sells meals for profit. And the patrons spend money for profit.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

When I’m lonely I stand in the corner and play my saxophone and feel sorry for myself. I would ask you to accompany me on the piano, but if I did that I wouldn’t be lonely, would I? And what’s the point of a saxophone if not to celebrate despai...

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Be true to who you are as a person. Or, if you’re a politician, be true to who you are as an animal. Actually, to be true as a politician you have to be false.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I have a good ear for music, just like Van Gogh had a good ear for art.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I just acquired a choir. I bought it for a song.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

The first step to running a successful business, is printing out pictures of all the luxury items you’re going to buy once you get rich.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Having kids and making kids are two different hobbies. I don’t have any children, but I do have lots of sex. It is an expensive hobby, but well worth the money I spend on it.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call me. A lot.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they can’t take me out on a date.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

People are trying to kill people. Well, those people need to die.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Women want me, and men want to be me. And by me I mean Ryan Gosling.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I’m divorced, in debt, and I can’t grow sideburns. Sometimes I get depressed, but then I think, It’s OK—I can still grow a mustache.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and swallowing, which is drinking.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I put the yes in eyes. Except when I blink, because that’s definitely a no action.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Extended family is great. If you want to know how extended your family is, just go out and win the lottery. Your phone will be ringing nonstop. And you know I'll call you too, because I'm your fifth cousin on your father's side.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

I’d be afraid of a man with two shadows, because that man is my clone, and he probably wants to kill me.

How to construct a coffin with six karate chops