Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

It’s actually quite the contrary. It’s time to freak the fuck out, and that’s not just acceptable, it’s obligatory. The rug has just been pulled out from beneath your feet, and everything you thought you knew with absolute certainty has vanis...

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

I'm supposed to eat shit with a fork and a knife and say thank you when I'm done swallowing this crap?

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

The most surprising thing about breaking up is that you already know how to do it. Everything you need to know, you learned in kindergarten. Yours should always be better than his (especially when it comes to lawyers).

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

...if you discover your partner is cheating, drink like it’s your last party, blame everyone else for your problems, let “binging” be your new favorite hobby, and, by all means, FUCKING PANIC.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

He kept telling me his affair was over, but I kept catching him in lies. He wouldn’t shake this woman, and I simply could not trust him anymore.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

The moral of the story couldn’t be clearer: you already know if your partner is fucking around behind your back, you just need to decide if you’re done being a doormat. You need to wake up one morning and decide that those rose-colored glasses ar...

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

And finally, always remember that the other person started it.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

No matter how old you are, there’s no cozier feeling than to have your mom take care of you.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

Sure, occasionally a certain sappy song or romantic movie would come on, and you’d wonder what he or she was up to, but there was no way to know. Of course, you could always pick up the phone (and more recently, text or e-mail), but that would requ...

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

I had stopped doing anything for myself. I no longer felt like an individual because for thirteen years, I was one-half of a “we.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

Miserable people love to make other people miserable. I don't hate them, I just feel sorry for them.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders

I had yet to learn that while there’s nothing wrong with elevating your partner, that should not come at the cost of your own identity.

Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders