The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren't for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that most of my books are ebooks and are perfect for emailing and I'm perfectly willing to give them away for free.
A blanket could be used to improve the quality of your trumpet playing. Wrap the blanket tightly around and in the horn section before you start blowing, and my ears will thank you.
A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.
A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and on the right is a girl who loves my writing. Now I love both people, but I love the girl in an entirely different way—the kind of way that involve...
A brick could be used as a pettable non-furry and non-meowing cat.
A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.
A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.
A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like and scurrying across the kitchen floor.
A blanket could be used to announce your intention to announce your intentions. Make sure the blanket is neon orange though, or you might not get the attention you deserve.
A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.
A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.
A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making pride and applause at the same time.
A blanket could be used to feed the homeless. I mean warm the coldless. I mean coldsome. I wouldn’t know, because I’m homefull.
A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be ready to play receiver.
A brick could be used to remind you. I would remind you of what you need to be reminded about, but that’s not my role—that’s the brick’s place.
A brick could be used to sway the voters. But if you really want to sway them, try using a catchy song.
A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I was too blind to hear. I’m hungry for a bowl full of mute, but my favorite restaurant is out of the Helen Keller Special. When they are out it, it means they are fully stocked.
