A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt.
A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat.
A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.
Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?
A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to use it up at all. Well, if you won’t use it, then give it to someone who will. Every other Christmas I get the gift of fruitcake—and I think it...
A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!
A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.
A brick could be used as an identifier, for all those people with no real identities. I’m talking about clones, because just like bricks, each clone is exactly like the next.
A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself.
A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed to get second to last in my last race.
A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.
A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.
A brick could be used as a cock block.
A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.
A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by giving them the gift that says both Thank You—and Fuck You.
A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire.
A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model of brick is exactly like the last brick!
A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.
