A brick could be used instead of a red light. They’re both red, and I’d run both with equal fervor.
A brick could be used to back the dollar. Hey, it’s better than the dollar being backed by nothing, right?
I love this book like I love a brick and a blanket, which could be used to teach people the value of safe sex. Remember, if you’re going to have safe sex, try not to get locked inside the safe without anybody on the outside knowing the combination....
A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the amor.
A blanket could be used to eradicate the radical element that’s so pervasive and perverse in our society today. I’m talking about people sleeping in the nude, with nothing to cover their shame.
A blanket could be used to study the stars more thoroughly. I don’t know how exactly, because I’m not Stephen Hawking. Somebody get me a wheelchair.
A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket would hold all that back.
Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.
A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too.
A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at night.
A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.
A brick could be used as a child’s game to improve memory. I forgot how exactly, but then I never played much.
A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you to carry it across the desert. You’d better get walking, because me and my camel won’t be stopping until we have to pee.
Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.
A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.
A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a brother who was smarter than the average politician.
A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.
A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t looking before you make the switch.
