A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a stick. Think of it like a one-bladed helicopter, and picture yourself as dry as the desert.
I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.
Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.
A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the brick upside down. Keep flipping the brick over until the desired outcome is reac...
A blanket could be used to silence your internal critic. And if you don’t shut him up, I’ll do it for you. Geez, I’m trying to read over here, and I can’t focus with his incessant nitpicking.
A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand.
A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.
A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.
A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at least unless a hurricane gets here, which would mean the government knocked down the government.
I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously like a brick. The gravy is a blanket.
A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.
A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively a...
Cats are living, breathing blankets. But a blanket, no matter how furry, cannot be used like a purrless cat.
A flag could be used as a blanket, but a blanket couldn’t be used as a flag. A blanket provides real warmth, not the pseudo warmth that patriotism provides. A blanket-flag would leave you shivering—not from cold, but from cowardice.
My hand acts as a blanket for my genitals.
A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.
I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.
A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in the closet, filming.
