A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big blindfold.
A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?
A brick could be used as a penis enlargement aid. Just tie a string around both your penis and a brick, and drop the brick off the roof of a building. I’m not stretching the truth when I say you’ll stretch yourself into a longer erection.
A brick could be used as a boat, and due to the brick’s reputation of indestructibility, we could call the boat “The Titanic.” Surely a brick with that name would never sink.
A brick could be used to replace the dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Don’t laugh, because at least the brick is real and useful, unlike the dollar, which is fake and useless.
A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how to dance, by providing motivation to get good so they can get some under the covers later.
Blankets could be used as billboards on buildings, especially hotels, if you write things like, “Free sex with room.”
I’m not blanketing the truth when I say: Give a man a brick, and he’ll fish for a day. But give a man a fish, and he’ll brick for the rest of his life.
A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall?
A blanket could be used like a trumpet could be used as a murder weapon. And if the cops ask you what I was doing on the night of June 6th, tell them I was in the corner, playing the saxophone like it was a piano.
A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake.
A blanket could be used to alert your guest when he’s overstayed his welcome. But what’s even more effective would be a flying brick at his forehead. Subtlety can be a bit soft, and can make it hard to differentiate between leave my house immedia...
A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I pee enough as it is.
A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.
A brick could be used to stop potential terrorist plots. But it sure would be more effective if I could just record every single phone conversation, email, text message, Google search, and Skype video chat from every single person in the country. Tru...
A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information, don’t you think?
With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit.
A blanket could be used to put the war in warm. Just paint the blanket like an American flag, and then try to convince the world that they are cold and need us to stop shivering. But before you do, consider they aren’t shivering from cold—they ar...
