At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it. Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

When the fog lifts on this economy, I think we’ll find a lot of people refusing to ever turn off their caution lights.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I had some emotional issues, so I went to a therapist. And guess what I don’t have now? That’s right, I don’t have any extra money. But I still have those emotional issues.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’d drive a thousand miles just to learn how to conserve gas and help save the environment. But that’s just who I am. I’m a thoughtful guy. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Here you’ll find everything you don’t need—and much less!

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often I think about not thinking about it.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The eyes in the frying pan looked tasty. But as good as they looked, it wasn’t good that they were looking at me.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The only reason I didn’t feel like a complete fool was because the failure left me feeling incomplete.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m practically famous. More than eleven people have heard of me. Twelve, to be exact.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The name’s David Davidson, and I am not my own son. I’m also not my own father, if you were wondering.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday.  

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The big, burly oaf offended my girl, so without hesitation I rushed to her defense. I did, however, make a few stops along the way, and by the time I got home and back, the dispute was settled and she had found another way home.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My favorite flower lost its voice, and through aroma therapy and the assistance of both my nostrils, I’m trying to help it get it back.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as they flicker light while you dine alone and ponder how much of a romantic you are.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

There are at least two sides to every issue, and I like my issues sunny side up. I also like bacon and toast on the side. Are you eating what I’m saying?

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.