At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it. Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

If I had to believe, I would. But I don’t, and I do.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My dreams died nine months before I was born


At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make the best omelets.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before I was born, and that’s probably the biggest mistake of my life.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because ...

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Falling in love too quickly spells disaster. But I’ve always lived dangerously, and I spell disaster with a Z.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my soul, or essence, had left my body and went and inhabited the body of my clone. So I wasn’t in my body, and yet I was. Or maybe none of that happened, and I was just in a d...

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I want to price my next book and adjust it for the coming hyperinflation. So instead of the normal one dollar price, I’ll charge $1,000,000.00. If I sell one copy now I’ll be a happy man, and if I sell a million copies after hyperinflation hits i...

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

A book is a vacation for the mind. My books will take you inside my mind, so feel free to make yourself at home. Do as you please, but please don’t put your feet up on my hippocampus.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the other half (the top half) while daydreaming. So here we have a case where two halves equal one quarter, which is about what this book is worth—give or take 25 cents.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of the blue to tell me he is dying, and in as many ways as possible I’ll offer up various responses to that.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The decision to empty my mind was a no-brainer.


At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Life insurance is a dying industry.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

If I had a hand for a penis, would a hand job be appropriate in place of a handshake at business meetings?


At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My first inclination is to make my business all about me, but my second instinct is to make my business all about everyone else, because everyone else is where all the money is at.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

A being of light for a pet wouldn’t be furry, but it would keep you warm—and awake at night.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Cap’n just jumped on the bed and says we should take a nap. And who am I to argue?

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.