Alice in Wonderland Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

...once I realized that Australia’s top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S., all my hardened American enthusiasm for speed went limp until it felt like the car was hardly moving at all. Even worse, most str...

Alice in Wonderland

Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.

Alice in Wonderland

I don’t know what this is for anyway. I mean, let me tell you what I’m never going to say to any human being, ever: ‘I had hunting season off-suit in the pocket, but I've had kicker trouble with that hand often enough to fold it.

Alice in Wonderland

Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I’d feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it.

Alice in Wonderland

No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.

Alice in Wonderland

So ‘fatal’ only kills you two out of three times these days? That’s good to know.

Alice in Wonderland

Once the principals in their party are seated, with those lower on the totem pole left to grumble and move on to find another table, our once-cozy booth transforms into a damp fusion of vacuous wretchedness, with the three women all complaining alter...

Alice in Wonderland

I’m good at being vague and unpredictable. It’s sort of a hard habit to break.

Alice in Wonderland

Oh, I have plenty of problems with Rabbit, it’s just that my comfort level with his name is standing in line behind about a hundred more important things.

Alice in Wonderland

I don’t think Australians ever use a couple of words when twenty will do just fine.

Alice in Wonderland

How do you tactfully spin the term “man-whore” to someone’s sister?

Alice in Wonderland

Now see, if it were me, I wouldn’t have led with that. I would’ve gone with something like ‘G’day’ or ‘Wow, aren’t you a little hottie?

Alice in Wonderland

Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren’t related, I would’ve left too. Actually…is it already too late for me to leave?

Alice in Wonderland

He’s a guy. We’re easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take five minutes…three if you wear something low-cut.

Alice in Wonderland

Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.

Alice in Wonderland

I don’t think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.

Alice in Wonderland

Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn’t bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for,...

Alice in Wonderland

Well, the gondola operator—whose name was ‘Happy,’ I might add—failed to inform me that about sixty seconds into the trip, the floor under the section of car I was standing on was going to slide away.Turns out it was a really useful way of fi...

Alice in Wonderland