A brick and a blanket walk into a bar Quotes

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A brick could make everything better for me. Now, if I could only find a way to get my hands on one. But it’s a silly dream, because I don’t have the ambition to get out from under my blanket and go out and grab the very thing I most desire. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick and a blanket can be used as reasons to go on searching, when you’ve found all the obvious applications for the brick and the blanket—and immediately discarded them—but you lost the motivation to keep thinking, and you’ve lost hope th...

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could replace the eagle as the symbol for the United States of America. And why not? A brick just sort of sits there, expecting everything to be built around it; a brick crumbles, much like an empire; and a brick is nonthinking, just like Ame...

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick your little dicks in the brick after a few beers.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket, when taken to the top of a mountain and laid flat, could be painted orange and used as a landing pad for when the aliens come to earth to save humanity. The only problem is, with it being painted orange, what if the construction workers ar...

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket could be used as a screen to project animated bedtime stories onto, and also a place to project your fears about society not being accepting of adults who watch movies directed at an audience of four-year-olds. Trust me, I’ve been there�...

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what’s the big idea? A brick represents unity, a notion of hey, let’s build something together. Like a house, for example. And after you help me build my house, I’ll use...

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. 
Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greece: a ruin. Only, I’d ask my gay dance partner, “R u in?”


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar