99 Cents For Some Nonsense Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

It’s better to say something too little, than nothing too much.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I collect collectivisms. I’ve already got socialism and communism, and all I need is fascism to complete the set. I’m looking to trade my dusty democracy, but Uncle Sam isn’t interested in a deal at this time.  

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Add smoke, not fire. You want to confuse your competition, not kill them.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When I’m competing to be on the bottom during sex, I always come out on top.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I can provide a witness who didn’t see me at the scene of the crime. That witness can also prove they didn’t see me anywhere else either, thus showing that I didn’t exist at that moment in time.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The pros and cons of being a criminal: Pros—are cons that haven’t been caught. Cons—are former pros that made a mistake.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Lay your head on my shoulder and massage my buttocks while you cry.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I’m a dyslexic dancer. Instead of leading the women, I follow. Quick, cab driver, follow that woman!

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When she broke up with me, I didn’t break down or break in to her apartment just to break out of my funk. I didn’t break any dishes either, but I did break dance. 

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

My love disappeared, along with the evidence of her dead body.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into stairs. That’ll be the day slinkies take over the world.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already dead.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Death is the only equality guaranteed in life. A poor man will die just as surely as a rich man.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to death. I just hope that one day isn’t tomorrow.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, because I plan to live forever through the miracle of cloning.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense