99 Cents For Some Nonsense Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love is 17 miles per hour. But I was safe, because I was wearing a bicycle helmet at the time.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I am patriotic. When the Pledge of Allegiance is going on, I solemnly place my right hand over my genitals.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be productive, I’d be reproductive.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

With sex, I’d recommend practicing a lot. But remember, have fun with it. After all, you do want to get your money’s worth.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I won’t be lulled by the lullaby, when what waits after is eternal sleep.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I wasn’t up all night. I slept 7:45 hours.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Last night I slept like a baby. In a crib.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help, I couldn’t have won.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Success is suffocating. The air is thinner at the top.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When I was young, I loved summer and hated winter. When I got older I loved winter and hated summer. Now that I’m even older, and wiser, I hate both summer and winter.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I can see myself in my teacher’s eyes. I look like a pupil.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Don’t be selfish and keep your thoughts locked in the cage called your skull. Free your mind, release your thoughts into the world, and free yourself in the process.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Obese people have really begun to eat up a lot of my free time. That’s the skinny on my life.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Tomorrow’s Pancake Friday, despite the fact that it’s Monday, and I don’t eat breakfast.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I put a basketball hoop in the trees, to help the squirrels and give them a nice net to store their nuts for the winter. But that’s just the kind of thoughtful guy I am.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

After a long day of screaming at the trees, I smell like a skyscraper. Would you care to ride on my elevator shaft?

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I looked him in the eyes and said, “I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s like looking in a mirror when you make eye contact with your clone.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The days float on like a feather in the wind, but at the end of the week, I’m still a chicken. Taste my truth.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense