99 Cents For Some Nonsense Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The past—I’m looking forward to it.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I think guns would be more effective if bullets worked like boomerangs.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

If I get on the elevator on the ground floor, the building has no basement, and someone says, Going up? I like to give them that blank road kill dead in the eyes look.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Male or female, if my name were either Don or Dawn, I’d be up at sunrise to celebrate the glory that is me.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The picture is grainy. But that’s to be expected when photographing bread.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Love is as iffy as Kipling.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

America’s problem, in a word, is politicians. In two words, it’s politicians and lobbyists. In three words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And finally, in four words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, and bankers.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

If your favorite politician got ran over by a bus, I’d express my condolences by telling you I know how you feel. Why just the other day I ran over a rat, and I felt so guilty about it that I bought a whole gallon of ice cream, rather than just the...

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Mr. Shit gives politicians a good name. It’s the rest of the politicians who give Mr. Shit a bad name.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The political brain is shaped like a peanut, only not as big.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Walking is so monotonous. Left, right, left, right, it’s also all so political.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Boy, when Grandma Wrinklebottom comes to town, you’d better hide your underwear. I know I’ll be hiding my political perspectives.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Let’s all roll up our sleeves and get back to work. Or let’s create jobs where other people roll up other people’s sleeves, so these other people can get to work helping other people get to work. That’s brilliant. I should be a politician.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Politicians think the only way out of a hole is to keep digging.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When I was 18 I got bitten by a snake, and since then I have refused to vote for either a Republican or a Democrat.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Your vote doesn’t count. All that counts is who counts the votes.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense