$3.33 Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

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My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee.

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I’ve got a piece of the American Dream. I don’t have a house, but I do have a new chandelier. Now I just have to build a house around it.

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I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees.

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I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

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I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.

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I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.

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His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.

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I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to fin...

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I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.

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The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I thought, what kind of sick bitch dates infants?

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I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.

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With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.

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I am not adventurous, though I can manage to look at and enjoy sunsets. However, sunrises scare me.

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On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones.

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It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always get older.

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The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not even expected. Adding to my tardiness is the fact that I don’t even know where I’m going. And I can’t get from here to there when I don’t ...

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The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.

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